37 days in- a Jump forward

Jumping ahead to TODAY- Nov 6th (promise to fill you in on the last 36 days too)

On the road again- 37 days since we left San Clemente- super behind on my blog- but trying to keep good notes to update when I can.  Biggest reason for the delay is the photos- I need to get them off my camera and Josh is the only one who knows how to do that.  If you know me, or Josh, you know that once I learn how to do something- it becomes my burden ongoing, so I am not learning this.  Be patient though- updates are coming on where we have visited so far: 

Ramona and Julian CA

Novato and SF CA

Redcrest CA (Redwood Forrest)

Portland, Beaverton and Tillamook OR

Seattle, Redmond, Bainbridge Island, Mukilteo, Sequim, Poulsbro WA

Now in Yakima WA almost to Pendleton OR on our way to the Nampa/Meridian and Boise ID area 

Can I just be honest though.  We are driving- again, away from family.. further further into.. the unknown.  I am growing weary of staying strong- for everyone.  Mainly for my kids.  I can’t overly be sad in front of them as they will definitely reflect it themselves.  I am sad though.  I feel lost.  I am learning new things from the Lord daily.  My biggest one is “we are strangers in this world”.  I understand it at a new level.  Not only because everywhere we go is new and unfamiliar but because we are called to “store up treasures in heaven” and not here.  My very core- perhaps because I am a woman, or a mother I don’t know- but my core wants stable- safe-and somewhere to root.  Every place we have gone I feel a pull to stay at, because deep in me doesn’t want to be nomadic.  I want to be “home”.  I feel so lost guys.  I know I am where I am suppose to be but not knowing where I am going or when we will be “home” has it’s toll on my heart.  My view of Gods earth feels distant- like a look from the moon- it’s an untouchable beauty and I am just waiting for God to show us the landing spot.  I’ve visited with my mom, my dad, my brother in SC, my brother in OR, Joshs dad, my cousin Danielle, my Aunt Joanne, we have visited the kids Uncle Ragi, my Uncle Newt, My Aunt Becky- and we have so many more to see on the road.  This wouldn’t be possible if we were living like this for now- but I feel like I am saying goodbye and not really hello- cause I don’t know where I am going.  Everyone has been so great and encouraging and helpful.  I look at my kids and smile and stay strong for all those I visit and that visit us, but I am sad.  Have you seen inside out?  I just saw it for the first time a few nights ago.  Sad is ok, and this is me getting through it- by sharing it with you.  Don’t worry I am not overly sad, sobbing and depressed or discouraged sad just… driving- in- the- car- and- no- one- knows- I- am- typing- this- sitting- silently- in- tears- sad.

Here’s my prayer- (on my radio now- thanks Leela Braganza)

Give me joy when my heart is broken

Give me peace when I’ll all rundown

Give me hope when I’m disappointed

Give me power

Thru every season, and every hour

Oh Lord I’ll see you, whether your near or far

In every moment and every doubt

May I be leaning closer to your heart